Thursday, July 23, 2009

50 Foot Plumber Man meets Eating Disorders

I’m one of those people who can’t sleep because thoughts, emotions, and ideas are constantly racing through my brain like it’s the German Autobahn. I’m blessed and cursed as a thinker and a visionary -- always dreaming up new ideas or projects for myself. But I can get so completely overwhelmed and ahead of myself that I can’t seem to control the steps or processes it takes to get to my desired outcome.

Thus, perfectionism.

Bah! Well, today I am going to discuss a couple of those things that have been plaguing my thoughts. Just to get them down and out is so relieving.

Attack of the 50 Foot Plumber Man!

First off, I nearly just had a panic attack. I got a phone call today from a plumber’s office and it went something like this:

“Hi this is Trudy from Mr. Smith’s Plumbing. Mr. Smith is ready to come and look at your home." (The plumber is seriously a block away!)

“Oh, uh, wow. I didn’t get any sort of a warning.”

“Well, dear he’s been in business for 20 years and nothing bothers him. Don’t feel embarrassed.”

I agree to let the man come over, hang up the phone, and talk myself out of throwing a fit. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

See, I broke my 21 Day habit yesterday and let my dinner dishes go. I had planned to wake up and do them this morning, but I slept in (thus breaking another habit). I had already been feeling guilty about breaking my habits, and now someone has to see the living proof of it!
I had to slow down and think about the rest of my house. It isn’t that bad. Just the dinner dishes.

Anyway, I realized right off that this is the voice of perfectionism creeping in. I’m not perfect. The man has no right to judge me. And even if he does, he doesn’t know how busy I was last night.

So in yo face MR. Plumber man!

Eating disorders: A deadly perfection

There was a common theme floating through the air yesterday. Or perhaps God was just trying to tell me something.

My best friend, Brittany, admitted on her blog yesterday that she has an eating disorder. Then, I was reading the Daily Sparkblog and found a link that defines different eating disorders, including one that is not usually associated or defined as such. Click here for the definitions.

I’ve admitted briefly and vaguely to Brittany and my other beautiful best friend, Michelle, that I have an eating disorder. But I wasn’t really convinced. After reading that definition, I am pretty sure it defined me.

In fact I was just talking to my Mom on our trip to Ashland about this. I actually told her that I am not a binge eater. I told her I’ve never eaten a whole box of cereal or a whole bag of chips. But, occasionally I do have one or two serving extra of something small. Then I feel really disgusted with myself, and out of control, and like I want to crawl in a hole and die.
Part of that definition, defines me. It turns out it doesn’t matter how much you binge on, it’s more about the emotions and feelings that are associated with eating.

I am pretty convinced one of the reasons the world -- girls, teens, people in their 20s and older – struggle with eating disorders and negative body issues is because we’re all trying to obtain perfection. It saddens me to think that some women work for this perfection, but they’re never going to obtain it.

We feel this need for perfection because we were created to feel that need. God created us to keep our eyes on Jesus, who is the embodiment of perfection. Sadly, the world is striving for the wrong perfection.

I’m no better.

But knowing I struggle, and admitting it, is going to make my path to healing so much easier.

Recap of yesterday:

Calories in/Calories out

I'm sorry I didn't get to adding up my calories yet today. Perhaps I will have time and edit to add my calories in and out.

I did do 35 minutes of Billy Blanks' Tae Bo Bootcamp. That was a blast from the past. An exhausting one at that!

I told my hubby last night that when I was in high school, Tae Bo was a sinch to me. It made me feel really out of shape.

Dishes: Not check. Exercise: Check. Wake up early: Check.

So far today, I did not wake up early.

I will be gone this weekend!

On the agenda:
  • Garage sale at Josh's parents house on Friday
  • Mom's wedding on Saturday
  • Lunch with Britt and Michelle on Sunday! Busy Busy.

I'll take my laptop. Hopefully I might have some time to do a quick post.

Have a good weekend everyone.


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