50 Foot Plumber Man meets Eating Disorders

I’m one of those people who can’t sleep because thoughts, emotions, and ideas are constantly racing through my brain like it’s the German Autobahn. I’m blessed and cursed as a thinker and a visionary -- always dreaming up new ideas or projects for myself. But I can get so completely overwhelmed and ahead of myself that I can’t seem to control the steps or processes it takes to get to my desired outcome.

Thus, perfectionism.

Bah! Well, today I am going to discuss a couple of those things that have been plaguing my thoughts. Just to get them down and out is so relieving.

Attack of the 50 Foot Plumber Man!

First off, I nearly just had a panic attack. I got a phone call today from a plumber’s office and it went something like this:

“Hi this is Trudy from Mr. Smith’s Plumbing. Mr. Smith is ready to come and look at your home." (The plumber is seriously a block away!)

“Oh, uh, wow. I didn’t get any sort of a warning.”

“Well, dear he’s been in business for 20 years and nothing bothers him. Don’t feel embarrassed.”

I agree to let the man come over, hang up the phone, and talk myself out of throwing a fit. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

See, I broke my 21 Day habit yesterday and let my dinner dishes go. I had planned to wake up and do them this morning, but I slept in (thus breaking another habit). I had already been feeling guilty about breaking my habits, and now someone has to see the living proof of it!
I had to slow down and think about the rest of my house. It isn’t that bad. Just the dinner dishes.

Anyway, I realized right off that this is the voice of perfectionism creeping in. I’m not perfect. The man has no right to judge me. And even if he does, he doesn’t know how busy I was last night.

So in yo face MR. Plumber man!

Eating disorders: A deadly perfection

There was a common theme floating through the air yesterday. Or perhaps God was just trying to tell me something.

My best friend, Brittany, admitted on her blog yesterday that she has an eating disorder. Then, I was reading the Daily Sparkblog and found a link that defines different eating disorders, including one that is not usually associated or defined as such. Click here for the definitions.

I’ve admitted briefly and vaguely to Brittany and my other beautiful best friend, Michelle, that I have an eating disorder. But I wasn’t really convinced. After reading that definition, I am pretty sure it defined me.

In fact I was just talking to my Mom on our trip to Ashland about this. I actually told her that I am not a binge eater. I told her I’ve never eaten a whole box of cereal or a whole bag of chips. But, occasionally I do have one or two serving extra of something small. Then I feel really disgusted with myself, and out of control, and like I want to crawl in a hole and die.
Part of that definition, defines me. It turns out it doesn’t matter how much you binge on, it’s more about the emotions and feelings that are associated with eating.

I am pretty convinced one of the reasons the world -- girls, teens, people in their 20s and older – struggle with eating disorders and negative body issues is because we’re all trying to obtain perfection. It saddens me to think that some women work for this perfection, but they’re never going to obtain it.

We feel this need for perfection because we were created to feel that need. God created us to keep our eyes on Jesus, who is the embodiment of perfection. Sadly, the world is striving for the wrong perfection.

I’m no better.

But knowing I struggle, and admitting it, is going to make my path to healing so much easier.

Recap of yesterday:

Calories in/Calories out

I'm sorry I didn't get to adding up my calories yet today. Perhaps I will have time and edit to add my calories in and out.

I did do 35 minutes of Billy Blanks' Tae Bo Bootcamp. That was a blast from the past. An exhausting one at that!

I told my hubby last night that when I was in high school, Tae Bo was a sinch to me. It made me feel really out of shape.

Dishes: Not check. Exercise: Check. Wake up early: Check.

So far today, I did not wake up early.

I will be gone this weekend!

On the agenda:

• Garage sale at Josh's parents house on Friday
• Mom's wedding on Saturday
• Lunch with Britt and Michelle on Sunday! Busy Busy.

I'll take my laptop. Hopefully I might have some time to do a quick post.

Have a good weekend everyone.

--Shawnee

Oh Scrappy Day

I had a fabulous day yesterday. Pretty much everything seemed to just flow together, with no major hiccups to my schedule. That makes me a happy camper. Oh wait! Does that mentality make me a perfectionist?

Ahhh! Blind-sided by my own philosophy. Of course, there were a few moments when not all went as planned, but I am not focusing on those insignificant details. I just want all my efforts to be geared in the direction of living and loving my life -- even the imperfect times. If that makes any since at all.

New recipe at add to my recipe binder

My day started off yesterday with an early rise to blog. And, I even had time to try a new recipe: Baked Oatmeal! Thanks to Kath from Katheats.com. Click here for the recipe.



Now, Kath used all banana, but I had some leftover pumpkin puree in the fridge that needed to be used up. I'm calling my version Baked Pumpkin Banana Oatmeal.

Here are my substitutions/additions:

• 3/4 cup pumpkin puree (in place of the one mashed banana)
• 1 .5 tsp Cinnamon
• .5 tsp nutmeg
• 2 tbsp brown sugar (added to the batter)
• 1/2 cup mixed chopped nuts and seeds (added to the batter)
• Vanilla almond breeze in place of the milk

I enjoyed ever single bite. This morning, I topped it with half a cup of fresh blueberries. YUMO. Thanks for the idea Kath.

Girls lunch out: Gardner House B&B

My coworker and I went out for lunch yesterday to the Gardner House in Stayton, OR. I had their Hummus and Grilled Veggie Panini (half) and a cup of the chicken dumpling soup. So wonderful and light. Though, I could have eaten a whole sandwich and a bowl of soup. :P

Then for dessert I took one of these babies to go. Chocolate Raspberry Tart.



I ate half after lunch and half after dinner. It made for a sweet treat.

Dinner creation: Chicken Breast with White Wine Lemon Gravy

This recipe is no where near perfect. I'll give you a quick version of the recipe...


Ingredients:

• Chicken breast
• Chopped parsley
• 1/2 green pepper sliced
• Handful of baby Bella mushrooms
• 1/2 of a fresh diced tomatoes
• Juice from a quarter of a lemon
• 1/4 cup (or less) White Wine (not cooking wine)
• 1/4 cup (or less) chicken stock
• tsp Corn starch

First cook the chicken on med-low in a frying pan. Lightly salt and pepper each side. When the chicken is cooked through, lower heat and add the wet ingredients. Next throw in the veggies on top. Once the veggies are cooked to desired crunchiness (or lack there of), remove the veggies and the chicken. Arrange with chicken on top of veggies. Next mix your corn starch with a little COLD water. Add the corn starch water to the left over juices. Stir until the gravy is thickened. Spoon over chicken.

I served mine with grilled zucchini and a baked yam with Smart Balance Light Butter. Not a bad meal for 4oo calories!

Calories in/Calories out (July 21)

As light as dinner may have been the rest of the day goes as follows...

Calories in: 1873

Calories out: 297

Please note that my calories in does not include the wonderful little tart. I'm guessing we could add another 200 to that total. *screams* Keep in mind my goal is 1700.

I am however very pleased with my calories out. I ran for 10 minutes strait, walked for 15 at a decent speed, then walked at the same speed at a 10% incline for 10 minutes, and cooled down for 5 minutes. For a total of 40 minutes.

Don't forget to click the photo of my food journal for a better view into what I eat! I was beginning to feel a little self conscious about taking a picture of my food journal. That is until Dancia posted a very encouraging comment about my journaling on my last post. I began to worry that the photo looks too cluttered. And not to mention I have terrible hand writing. So thanks for the encouragement!

A little me time: Scrap-Happy

Remember the list of things I want to do every week but don't have time for, which I mentioned in my last post? Well, scrapbooking is one of those things. I made time to do it last night for 1.5 hours. It felt nice.

After two years, I was finally able to scrap my best friend's wedding and bachelorette party. Scrapbooking used to be one of those things I was a perfectionist about. I could literally take 4-5 hours on one page. I wanted my pages to by stylish and something that other scrapbookers would admire. You know, a layout worthy of a scrapbooking magazine.

But I realized, I scrapbook for me. Nobody else but me. I want to preserve my memories in a way that makes me smile. I don't care if they're cluttered, or if I use too many photos on one page.

My goal is to do this at least1.5 hours every week. I think Tuesday will be my scrap day. :) I've been putting it off for way to long.


Day 12 (July 21): Dishes: check. Exercise: check. Wake up early: check

My goal for today is to have a good day! I plan to work hard and eat less. :)

What is your goal for the day?

Blessings,

Shawnee

Bakin' Fool -- Day 5

Uh get your bake on. Uh get your bake on.

Yesterday, I baked whole wheat bread and whole wheat tortillas (to die for) for myself, and I made white bread for the husband.

I discovered the recipe for the whole wheat tortillas at House of Annie's blog. It is so easy and ... mmm mouth watering.

The bread recipe, of course is from a bread machine book.

I just love making homemade bread products. It's really relaxing. And so much healthier too. I know every single ingredient in my bread and tortillas. Plus, the tortillas are only about 100 calories each!


Tortilla and Black Bean Veggie Burger

This meal idea came to me when I realized I didn't have much in the fridge for lunch. I did however have one of my trusty homemade black bean burgers left in the freezer. I am going to have to make more. For the recipe, click here.

After deciding a black bean burger would be my meal of choice, I realized the bread would not be finished for another two hours or so. That's when I decided to make the tortillas.

In the process of rolling out each of the tortilla dough balls, I simply cut one in half and made two smaller tortillas. Almost perfectly the size of my burger.
I topped it with bbq sauce, lettuce and tomatoes. Very satisfying. But the tortillas were so good, I ended up having another one. :( Not good for my calories in.

Calories in/ Calories out

Calories consumed: 1750

Or more, I did a little mindless snacking, I tried to write it all down.

Calories burned: 235

16 minutes of jogging and 14 minutes of walking on the treadmill. I also did another SP (SparkPeople), this time 5 exercises for the abs. I feel it today.

I am starting to reevaluate my calories in/out. It seems as though what I am doing right now is not working. SparkPeople has me eating 1550 calories and burning 288 per day. I really need to stick to this.

21 Day New Habit Challenge -- Day 5

I completed all of my habits yesterday: wake up at 5:45 a.m., exercise for at least 30 minutes, and do the dishes.

As Tony Horton, creater of P90X, says, "Do your best, and forget the rest." Just remember to love yourself as you are, and where you are!

--Shawnee

Got the cooking bug: Day 4

Meal creativity just seemed to project itself onto my plate yesterday. :) Let me share...

Corn Tortilla Pizzas


I am sure this is not totally unique, and that someone, somewhere has made pizzas on corn tortillas. And let's not forget tostadas!

Here is how I make my corn tortilla pizzas:

Ingredients:

• Organic Canola Oil spray (no calories)
• 3 corn tortillas
• Hunts 100% Natural Tomato Sauce
• Dried Basil
• Tomato
• Spinach
• Mozzarella Cheese 1 oz
• Parmesan Cheese Less than one tbsp

Preheat oven to 4oo. Spray the tortillas with an organic canola oil. Bake tortilla for 6 minutes, turning over half way through. Remove tortillas and place the desired amount of each ingredient in this order: Tomato sauce, basil, Parmesan, tomato, spinach, mozzarella. Bake for another 2-3 minutes or until all ingredients are heated through.

Easy-peasy and so good I had it for lunch and dinner! A week a go or so, I made these, but more like tostadas. I had left over enchilada sauce, chicken breast, tomato, salsa and sour cream. Delish!

So Good Summer Fruit Salad


I love making fruit salads.

In this bowl:

• Half a ripe cantaloupe
• 1 cup of sliced strawberries
• 1 cup of blueberries
• Juice from half a lemon

I had one cup of this to go with my 3 corn tortilla pizzas for lunch. I topped it with a small drizzle of honey and less about 2 tbsp of granola.

Fiesta Worthy Hummus and Tasting Platter

A couple hours after letting my lunch digest, I went on an hour long bike ride through the country. I love looking at the farm land: the cows, horses, wheat fields, Mt. Jefferson in the background, and the streams and ponds. So wonderful! Not to mention the mint fields are luscious right now. On a hot summer day it is like riding your bike right through a big cup of mint tea.

Anyway, after my ride, I was starving. I had about 3/4 of a can of chickpeas left over from a salad that I tried to eat the other day. I had to pick off all the chickpeas. I decided, they're not for me. So I made some Fiesta worthy Hummus.

Ingredients:

• 3/4 a can of chickpeas drained and rinsed (though you could probably use a whole can)
• 3 tbsp Hunts 100% All Natural Tomato Sauce
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• Juice from half a lemon
• Quarter to a half of a bell pepper (I used red and yellow)
• Quarter of an onion
• 1/4 cup of cilantro
• 1 garlic clove
• Salt, pepper and CHILE Powder to taste

Put all ingredients into the food processor and mix until blended.

As you can see, I served mine with cucumbers, carrots, flat bread crisps (I ended up eating 8). No, I did not put the hummus on the egg. I just needed more protein as I hadn't had any at all.

Oh and by the way, a little hummus goes a long way. I only used up 1/8 of a cup for all that stuff.

Calories In / Calories Out:

Calories Consumed: 1577

I decided after my platter to add everything up on SparkPeople. It's a good thing I did too. I only had a few calories left.

Calories Burned: 450

I really really enjoyed my bike ride. It didn't even feel like work. :) I love exercise like that.

I am feeling it today though. My calves are tight and my buns hurt. That's the worst part of bike riding, it tends to make your rear sore.

21 Day New Habit Challenge:


So far so good. The hardest part of the challenge so far has been waking up at 5:45 a.m. I haven't gotten as much sleep as I would like to.

On the agenda for today:

Clean house, exercise, read my book, and write paper. I may need to go to the grocery store too. But I can probably put that off until tomorrow.

Blessings all,

Shawnee

P.S. Don't forget to be your best today. Don't try to be somebody else's best. ;)

Putting old habits to rest: Day 3 of New Habit Challenge

Yesterday's Habits. Wake up at 5:45: check. Dishes: check. Exercise: check. I completed all of my new habits yesterday, but just barely. I had to keep chanting to myself: be your best today!

Calories In/Calories Out:

Calories Consumed: I have no idea!

I was too scared to calculate my calories. I didn't eat a lot, but what I ate wasn't good. I went ahead and had one a huge July 4th Burger, with baked chips and beans. I did skip dessert. After that though, I felt this incredible nagging voice inside my head. I tried to shut it up as much as possible.

Calories Burned: I forgot to write it down in my journal, but I burned 135 calories after 30 minutes doing free step on Wii Fit.

Definitely too many calories in, and not enough out. :(

Subduing the obnoxious voice of perfection:

Upon stepping on to the Wii Fit board, just out of sheer habit, I weighed myself. I should have known better. Of course, being late in the evening, and having just drank a very large glass of water, the stupid board told me I was 4.9 pounds heavier than the last time I weighed in. The last time I got on the evil board just happened to be right after I finished my 5 day detox.

The board just ruined me. I felt so insignificant, and I wondered how I could possibly write on my blog that I have given up one of my habits after just three days: exercising daily.

Luckily as I free stepped, I watched Joe vs. the Volcano. It's funny how a cheesy 80s movie can sometimes speak to you. After Joe figured out that he was going to die, he decided to live. *shakes head* I realized I need to live every day -- one day at a time. I don't think I have ever understood what that truly means.

Another boost of confidence just so happened because, even after my husband saw my weight on the Wii (even though I told him not to look, which made me mad), I realized that he still loves me -- still desires me.

My goal in life, and the reason I started this blog, is not just to lose weight and look hot. Even though I lose focus quite often. My goal is to be healthy -- body, mind and soul -- and to quiet to world's voice of perfection that so often penetrates my thoughts and emotions. I am who I am.

Today, I am going to take care of myself, because I need to. And not because our eating disordered culture tells me I need to do so.

--Shawnee

P.S. I got on the scale this morning and I am back down to normal. ;)

Early Summer Mornings: New Habit Challenge Day 1

Good morning everyone. First, I'd just like to say that I was able to complete day one of habit one. I woke up this morning at 5:30 a.m. My puppy had to go potty, so I let her out. Then Maddie and I crawled back into bed until 5:45, when I officially had to be up for my New Habit Challenge.

I found an a copy of Shape magazine from 2004 (back when I was super skinny) and so I've been reading it this morning to keep myself from falling asleep. Then I decided I should blog about my amazing feat to get out of bed. YAY me!

To get a star on my calendar I still need to...

• Exercise for at least 30 min.
• Keep my kitchen sink shiny and free of dishes.

Recap of Yesterday:

This photo is a page from my food journal. I hope to keep it everyday. I apologize for the photo quality.

I am still kind of trying to find my niche as a blogger. For a while there I was doing a photo online food diary. Now it's kind of evolved into my thoughts.

I would still like to food journal, though for health reasons, I need to be able to keep a written one. I still want to take photos of my food, but I don't get paid to blog and it takes up a lot of time. However, I think I will still take photos of food finds or interesting meal or recipe ideas. I also want to blog about other areas in my life in which I fail at perfection: marriage, fashion, house cleaning, etc. Basically anything that I struggle with. So this blog is now officially "a health and wellness blog for body, mind and soul." I think I'll add that to my description!

Anyway, as you can see (if you have good eyesight or awesome glasses) yesterday I consumed 1665 calories. I also burned 518 doing 40 minutes of Billy Blanks' Tae bo Boot Camp. These numbers are according to Sparkpeople.com. I am feeling pretty hopeful that I can continue my New Habit Challenge. I am just going to take it one day at a time.

Creamy Tomatoey Confetti Chicken

I'm really bad at naming the recipes I come up with. This is last night's dinner.

Ingredients:

• Whole Wheat Spaghetti
• Red and Yellow Bell Peppers
• Walla Walla Sweet Onions (the best!)
• Chicken breasts
• Organic Marinara Sauce
• Sour Cream
• Mozzarella Cheese

I didn't really measure out everything precisely. Though I do know used a cup and a half of marinara and about 1/4 of a cup of sour cream. I used two full chicken breasts and two servings of pasta. The bulk of this recipe serves two, though I am the only one who ate the veggies. I only used about a quarter of each of the peppers and a half of a cup of onions. I had only a half of a chicken breast and I ended up eating about a cup and a half of pasta ...oops.

To make this: Cook chicken on low-medium heat until cooked through, drain any excess water. While the chicken is cooking, start to boil the water for the pasta, and chop the veggies. Next saute the veggies over low-medium heat, until tender. Add pasta to water, cook through. Stir the sour cream and marinara together, pour over chicken, and let the sauce heat through. Add the tiniest amount of mozzarella to the top. Toss pasta and veggies together, and serve with chicken and extra sauce on top.

Pretty good. I really liked the creaminess of the marinara sauce.

Next on the agenda:

Breakfast, exercise, cleaning house, and maybe relaxing. ;) Until tonight my faithful seven. Or perhaps it would only be 6 as I am one of those seven.