Friday, February 19, 2010

Cooking for an Enemy 101

So I still can't find my camera cord to load the pictures for the recipe. However, I do have something fun to share with you.

The other day I decided to do a creative writing prompt. I haven't done one for a really long time. The prompt I randomly chose was "Write about what you'd cook for an enemy." I took the prompt one step further and decided to make a cooking for an enemy tutorial.

I present to you...

Cooking for an Enemy 101 (Muahahaha)

Preparing a meal for an enemy is no simple task. It’s an enchantingly elusive endeavor, which requires much planning and patience in order to secure proper execution. As the host devises a plan to relinquish Karma onto their opposition, he or she must take two important steps in order to deliver a deceptively vindictive feast.

1. First the cook must define their foe. It is worthy to note that there are varying degrees of enemy. For example, if your adversary is a childhood bully who consistently trampled upon your dreams of one day marrying a Backstreet Boy, this would be a lesser degree of enemy than would someone who stole from you. Or perhaps your antagonist is a cheeky sort of fellow who annoys you to no distinguishable end. As you can see, one enemy is far worse than the other.

2. Next our protagonist must devise a scheme. The scheme is broken down into two parts: the meal and the atmosphere.

a. Meal: The point of the meal is not to kill off your enemy with a poisoned glass of wine. Nor is it to feed the man an utterly disgusting dish. These options are much too obvious, not to mention messy. Think of the meal as execution.

Consider a feast of barbeque ribs and corn on the cob. Imagine you’ve invited your childhood nemesis over for a lovely dinner. In front of her you place an appealing and irresistible plate of good ole home cookin’. Half way into her barbeque slathered ribs, she realizes she doesn’t have a napkin. She politely asks you for one. “Sorry,” you respond. She silently complies and dives in to her corn on the cob, which by the way doesn’t have the cute little corn holders. By the end of the dinner she’s covered in barbeque sauce and butter. There’s even a little on her forehead. Vindication never was so delicious!

b. Atmosphere: You may be mulling over what to prepare for your pest of an acquaintance who has too many annoyances to count on all your phalanges*put together. In this case your annoying foe is a vegetarian. The obvious choice is to feed him a meaty meal or a dish that hides the animal all together. In a case like this think in terms of your atmosphere.

Go ahead. Make him a baked Tofurky with vegan Turkey gravy, mashed potatoes and peas. He won’t even be able to swallow when the TV in the family room (only viewable from his seat) displays a wonderful nature show featuring wild felines preying on innocent gazelles. Sit back and revel in the glorious day that is. Vengeance belongs to you my friend.

*Phalanges: A bone of a finger or toe, not just a term Phoebe Buffet created.

The End

Wasn't that fun?

Now, question of the day: What would you cook for someone you just can't stand?

Have a fabulous weekend everyone?

P.S. Check out this Fiber One Giveaway from Simply Life!


  1. Where did my comment go? Anyway, I had said that, yes, this was lots of fun! Great job! :)

  2. Sorry, about that. I just realized that you approve comments... I've had lots of trouble leaving comments lately... :)

  3. LOL Thanks for the comments anyway. I had a lot of fun writing it. :) Not that I would ever cook for an enemy. I'd probably never invite them over. I especially wouldn't invite anyone over who dissed the Backstreet Boys. hahah.